My brain is in distract mode. I’m flitting from FB to researching things to do/eat/enjoy in Portland. I’m paying bills, answering emails. The email discussion is about consciousness for Pete’s sake. Last night I dreamt my Dad was driving with his shirt off. He was very happy. It was warm out. He doesn’t visit very often, but I’m glad he visited last night. I woke up thinking, I’m not ready for another person to die. I wanted to write letters to everyone. This is my letter. I love you. You matter more than you’ll ever know, more than I can ever say. Those stupid thumbs up and smilies, shares and comments, it’s just evidence that you’re out there. In some ways, it’s evidence that I’m here, too. I also talked with real people on the phone. I ate cookies. I worked on the outline for my writing program and created a separate document, a task list, and one of the categories ended up being “wildest dreams!” On a task list! But, yeah, I want to have a retreat once a year where writers in my program, current, future and graduates, get together and deep dive into this crazy journey of creatively living, expressing and coming out of the closet as who we are. And I want to send little gift baskets every 6 weeks or so, like real ones, in the mail, to my clients who are slaving away at their books. Hand cream, buckwheat pillows, comics, coupons. I might as well pour my heart into this, because I’m creating it, and I get to say how it goes. Where else can we do that? That’s why I’ve started saying, “What do I want to create today?” instead of “There’s no money coming in!” at the beginning of every day. Both create the life that I live, and only one creates the life I want to be living. I stayed in my P.J’s all day. I’m going to shower and change before bed, though. Do you know what matters? Me neither. But I trust that if I follow my gut ruthlessly and quickly and listen for the instinct that comes before I have a chance to understand it….You know something? It takes practice to create. To really catch that impulse and be true to it and not try to make it all neat and just like something that already is. It’s such a simple thing. None of it is complicated. But, jeez, the training we have to undo in order to be able to be true to the creative, expressive impulse that’s within in us. So, I give myself a pass on the P.J.’s and the cookies. I created something today. I loved today. I connected, and I laughed at myself. I figure this puts me in the top 5%. How blessed and lucky is that? How lucky and blessed do you want to be? What do you want to create today?