How To Have A Conversation About Healing That Helps Your Client Heal


The Problem With Going to Someone For Help

“I went to the doctor, but he couldn’t find anything wrong.”

There are two ways our clients can come to us for help, the “fix me” way and the “I need your expertise” way. In the first, the client is passive and you are active. You do the healing, and the client receives or is healed. In the second, the client is hiring you to do what you do as part of their mission to heal themselves.

You can always tell the difference. In the “fix me” scenario, the client has very little idea as to what role they play in their own healing. They may have gone to many healers or practitioners, but when you ask them what changes they’ve made in their own lives, they’ve made very few. They’re looking for a quick fix, a cure.

On your end, you may feel as if you’re being put on the spot, tested, or somehow pressured to come through for your client. Or you may have thoughts such as, “I’ll bet I can succeed where others have failed!”

In the second scenario, the client is an expert in their own right on their process or condition. They can tell you how they’re piecing together the mystery of what’s going on with them, new understandings they have, things they’ve tried, and changes they’ve made in their lives as a result.

How You Can Give Your Client’s Power Back to Them

One way we as healers can help our clients be empowered in their own healing process is to provide them with a frame of reference for what we’re doing, and to explain to them, from this frame of reference, what is meant by healing, what your role is, and what their role is in the healing process.

It’s perfectly okay to say, “In this system, healing is ____, the therapy consists of _____, and my role is _____. What you can do is______ to help the process along.”

This gives the client permission to participate, to consider the ideas and beliefs of your system, while holding onto their own beliefs, which may run counter to what you’re doing in session with them. It gives them the message that they don’t have to “convert” to your beliefs, or pretend to, in order for you to work with them.

It also helps your client to buy in to the process, an essential piece of the healing relationship. After you tell them who you are, they can then give the inner “I’m in!” and truly consent, making for an energy exchange that can help them be invested in the process. Also, you can then clear up any misconceptions about what you do, or what’s going on with them, before you begin.

What is healing?

We think of healing as an abrupt, complete disappearing of some troublesome or painful condition. There’s a lot of confusion about this in the general world. Healing is confused with curing. The medical model has been all about curing, and is just now starting to reckon with healing. Even so, sometimes the word “healing” in that context has the connotation of the booby prize you get when your condition can’t be cured, when actually, healing needs to take place in the event of a cure, too, or the cure isn’t worth much.

What does this mean? It means that in addition to the cessation of symptoms or discomfort, there is a restoration of ease, physical, emotional and spiritual. There is an easing in the client’s being, such that they no longer feel defined by their illness or condition, and it takes up less of their conscious awareness. Instead there can be a sense of peace, reconciliation, or resolution. Often, something else, seemingly unrelated, is healed: an attitude,  a belief, a fear, a relationship – with ourselves, with time, with our body, with the world.

It means, ultimately, that the client is at peace with what is happening and has found a way to live with it that is in concordance with their understanding of who they are and how the universe works. Inevitably, there has been a shift in order for this harmony to occur. This shift may in fact be what healing is.

What is the healing force?

 “Just being with her made me feel like everything was going to be okay.”

My shamanic teacher says that it’s love that heals, no matter the process any particular healer follows. Others would say that faith is healing. Trust is healing. Connection, affirmation, expression, truth, surrender, these heal. Some would add: intention, alignment, clearing, positive energy, flow, space, vibration, beauty.

This is where as practitioners we get to be creative about how we express to our clients what it is that’s happening in a session. We all perceive and experience this uniquely. Some see, some feel kinesthetically, some feel emotionally, some hear, some sense in other ways.

What is the healing energy that comes forth? Is it the imparting of information? In which case, how does that heal? Reveal truths? Affirm worth and value? Guide and teach, encourage, uplift? Does that energy cleanse, balance, infuse, transform?

How does healing happen?

The funny thing about this question is, nobody knows. Some people can have their blood work done, surgery performed, energies soothed, chakras aligned, helping spirits retrieved, and be loved and supported and carried and helped, and still healing doesn’t happen. Others heal with a minimum of fuss, a happenstance encounter, one session with someone, and are done, moving on, okay. Some are bothered by a condition such that it robs them of their spirit and will. Others seem to be transformed and lit from within by following the path an illness or problem reveals for them.

This suggests that healing lies within the client, not with the modality or the practitioner.

It also suggests that there’s more to illness than the need for illness to be gone, that healing is itself part of the process of living.

Personally, in my belief system, it also suggests that there is always the potential for healing, no matter the circumstances, no matter how longstanding or devastating.

Allowing for the Unknown

Sometimes funny juxtapositions occur in my life as a healthcare practitioner in a hospital and my life as an energy facilitator in private work. Today a patient in the hospital said, very sincerely, “I think I get what’s happening. Every single thing in my body is switching places.”

Obviously, there’s nothing in the medical model that allows for this. She was way outside the belief system of the healthcare she was receiving.

“Oh!” I thought, wondering, “Is it true?” Because my energy background tells me that what we believe and what our consciousness will allow are so much more powerful than what someone else decides for us – except of course if part of our m.o. in life is to rely on experts for our reality. This is not a judgment. We all do this. Even if the expert is our sense of everything in our bodies playing musical chairs.

Perhaps just by allowing for this possibility with this patient, I cooperated with a healing process that’s occurring within her. I probably will never know. I just have to follow my instincts, be true to my gut, and remain in a loving and open place, allowing the unknown to teach me.

What is a healer?

Some have strong belief systems about how healing happens. Even us witchy woo-woos can be bounded by a belief system that says that grace or angels or energies, or forces, or fate make certain things happen or stop happening, and we healers are the conduits, navigators, negotiators for these transactions.

Others say they have a gift. What’s the gift? Does everyone have it? Or just some?

Do medical doctors have a gift to heal? Or are they scientists who analyze lab data and symptoms in a vast database in their heads and come to conclusions and give medicines to put it all back into balance?

Are our clients healers? Is everyone?

Why is this happening to me?

Is there a spiritual reason for illness? An energetic explanation? Is broccoli good for everyone and sugar bad for everyone? Every single person in the world?

I ask these questions to raise them, yes, but also to point out that they’re there, in the minds of everyone who seeks our help. And what they want from us is answers. And what we should give is not answers, but a frame of reference that is empowering and helpful and accessible with which to understand the work of healing.

This frame of reference may become the foundation for the client’s understanding of themselves, their process, and their role in their own healing. It may alter their understanding of the Universe, their place in it, and most importantly, the reason for their malady.

Everyone wants to know why “this” is happening. You can measure your client’s distress by how urgently they want to know this.

You can also assume they lack an understanding of the role of spirit and energy that is helpful to them, if this is the question that is uppermost for them. Perhaps you can help them come to an understanding based on your system of healing, as to why this is happening to them, in them, around them, or through them.

Each of us has our own answer to the questions “What is healing?” “What is illness?” “What is healed?” “What heals?”  and “Why is this happening?”

It’s part of our duty to our clients and to our practice to answer these questions as best we can for ourselves, first, and for our clients, before we lay on hands, feel the energy, approach the table, contact our guides, or tune into their aura. We owe it to them and to ourselves to have a clear answer to the question, “What is happening when I come for a session with you?”

In this way, we can all be part of healthy conversation about healing that helps us and our clients as we witness these mysteries and dance with them as best we can.

Until next time, enjoy the music!



by Phyllis Capanna © 2016 joyreport

All content is the sole property of Phyllis Capanna. If you are reading this content on another site, it has been reposted without the author’s permission and is in violation of the DMCA.  © 2016 Phyllis Capanna

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