I was leaving my audiology appointment and remembered that I had brought in my stash of Soul Message cards, intending to give one to the receptionist. I wavered while the thought and feeling of being not good enough, in danger of being rejected, of offering something “stupid” and of no consequence welled up in me as I stood poised in the hallway. I could turn right and head toward the elevators or left to go back to the reception area.
“None of that!” I said to that cacophony, and turned left toward Mary, the receptionist who’d checked me in. Before I could stop myself, I reached into my bag and pulled out the card that says, “You are a natural healer. Trust yourself.”
I handed Mary the card, she read it, and said, “Aw, thank you! That’s so wonderful! Look! I have goosebumps!” I said, “I just want you to know you are making such a difference in my life.” Her eyes teared up, and so did mine. “That’s so good to hear,” she said. I watched her shoulders drop a couple of inches.
All of us in healthcare love to care. But very often, the people we are caring for are so sick, it is all they can do to take the next breath, sit up in bed, or rub a washcloth over their face. We wonder sometimes if what we do really makes a difference. The administrative staff get to wonder that a lot more. Of course, Mary is the one who makes sure my medical records get to where they need to go, answers the phone when I forget when my appointment is, and greets me when I get there, assuring me with her manner that I will be taken care of competently.
These days, more often than not, I call myself a writer, not a healthcare provider. But it’s the same nagging worry: Does it make a difference? I thought I knew all about the Soul Messages, something I created to act as a loving voice people could hear whenever they needed to, with messages we all need to hear, for encouragement, affirmation, and just plain love. I thought writing was about channeling that voice, then sharing it with others (and teaching others how to channel that voice for themselves), and that completed the circle. But today I discovered that the real completion is to be that voice for someone when I don’t have to, when I’m not being a writer, and especially when a stronger voice inside is telling me not to, because it won’t be good enough.
The Soul Messages are for giving. There’s a saying in recovery circles, “We keep what we have by giving it away.” Damn, but these little cards are teaching me and helping me to grow beyond my self-imposed limitations the more I share them, and the more I listen to that wise voice within that says, “Say it. Do it. Write it. Live it.”
How about you? How has life conspired to have you expand beyond what you thought possible? Do share in the comments below. And as always, thanks for reading.
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by Phyllis Capanna © 2015 joyreport
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