by Phyllis Capanna © 2012 joyreport
Can I just say that I have the most blessed, happy life? Can I start from that today and tell you why I say that?
Did you ever have a day that, once it was done, for no reason you can put your finger on, you feel you have surmounted a hurdle and feel relieved to have it behind you? Yesterday was such a day for me. When I awoke this morning I felt unburdened and relaxed. I definitely have a thing for Fridays, and I’m sure that was part of it, but there was something else, and I don’t know what it was.
Today delivered to my doorstep, literally, the opportunity to rectify some hurt feelings in an important relationship. Long time friends who rent a camp every year were packing to leave tomorrow, the end of their two-week stay. There were misunderstandings between us that had led us to avoid spending time together while they were here. Shortly after I had the conscious desire to make things right, D. showed up in our yard, smiling awkwardly and looking everywhere but into my eyes.
I invited him in, and we sat on the porch with a fan blowing on our ankles and on Honey-Bear (who instinctively curled up on D.’s feet, a sure sign that healing is needed), with quart-sized canning jars filled with ice cubes and iced tea, and talked until the air was cleared and we were both ready to move on with our days. Besides all the other great things about the sharing we did, I really appreciated that I had nothing pulling my attention away from this conversation. It is so rare an occurrence for me that I noticed it while we were talking and felt as if Something had cleared the decks for this to happen.
Yesterday, a farming couple we know decided that we would be the recipients, if we wanted to be, of their leftover produce from the farmers market. Shortly after noon, P. arrived with a box full of kale, chard, two kinds of garlic, basil, dill, potatoes, hot peppers, baby greens, green beans, and a bouquet of sunflowers. The sunflowers alone would have been enough to send me into heavenly raptures, or the basil, or the garlic, or any one thing. They wanted to know if we’d take their surplus every week. This, at a time when my per diem work is hitting a serious lull.
Having a couple of blessing-filled days in a row causes me, naturally, to look for a magic formula. How did I get here? A series of good choices? A series of choices to follow my gut and live my truth? Yes, and some of the choices I made while following my gut and living my truth have been spectacularly poor ones. That must be the basis of my optimism about life, that I, who have made seriously wrong turns and stayed on those wrong roads for a good, long time, can still have arrived at a place like today. I don’t think there’s a magic formula that I can replicate by making the right kinds of choices.
I think it’s bigger than that and has nothing to do with me.
The herbalist, Susun Weed, says that in the Wise Woman tradition, disease and illness are not enemies to be eradicated; nor are they the result of poisons, to be eliminated or cleansed. Rather, they are allies to aide us in a process of deeper healing, on our path toward ultimate wholeness as people.
I extrapolate this to all kinds of problems, not only physical illness. I love the idea that breakdowns in relationships like the one D. and I had, are part of a conspiracy on the part of the universe to bring us to greater closeness as friends; or that having a dip in income might pave the way for me to more deeply appreciate a gift of food as a delivery from God, stilling my fears about surviving through a tighter financial time.
This forms the basis of my belief in a Benevolence that guides my life. I am aware that I bring at least fifty per cent of the energy to this relationship, that without my choosing to believe the way I do, it almost wouldn’t matter what the Benevolence was up to, because I wouldn’t be in a position to see it.
So, can I just tell you that I have the most blessed, happy life?
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