Yesterday’s post was a little serious. I learned a lot writing it! I didn’t know where I was going with all that, and I don’t usually talk too much about my work, because of confidentiality, because it’s work, and, well, who knows? Maybe there are other reasons that I’m not gonna cop to. So, I just followed it, and shazam! Deliverance.
I learned that I have this crazy trade-off in my job that gives me lots of freedom to do my own thing, manage my own time and life, get involved with Other Things that I’m also into, like drumming and helping out at camp, which is actually my partner’s business, but doesn’t give me many of the satisfying pay-offs you can get when you invest your energy and time getting involved in other people’s lives as a professional.
I am essentially an introvert and like lots of down time and alone time. (If you are, too, or if you just want help figuring out that weirdo introvert in your life, you might want to check out I, Introvert, a blog I discovered a few days ago.) So that part’s cool, but I tend not to notice the other part, the part that’s …drum roll, please! MISSING!
Wait a minute, isn’t that exactly how I ended yesterday’s post? Wow. I feel like the lights just went on, and I’m understanding something I should have known and lived by, oh, several decades ago. As I said a couple of posts ago, I missed the day they passed out the common sense. Well, I didn’t actually say that, but today I’m thinking I might as well have. That’s how it is with a new piece of wisdom, isn’t it? It seems so obvious once you get it. Sigh.
And I hate thinking of time spent fuddling around in the dark, suffering and causing suffering, and, worse, blaming somebody else or some set of circumstances. I grew up with a blamer. A circumstance victim. It does in fact suck to be them, and it sucks to be around them. But I love that I can change and grow. The ability to step aside and self-reflect has been essential to my personal evolution. I didn’t used do it. Knowing how hard it is to be and to be around someone like that, it’s humbling to know that I was one, even while I railed against the one I grew up with!
So. I look. I learn. In looking and learning, I don’t blame. I try not to guilt, even though it is probably hard-wired into my being to guilt. Guilt, to me, is like that loud-mouthed cousin, who, when you walk into the room, shouts, “Oh, you dyed your hair!” What they say may be true, but the way it’s delivered makes me want to run the other way and never come back. Hence, important lessons are delayed.
Like learning what makes you thrive. Like learning the difference between thriving and just being stress-free. So far, I’d say I’ve mastered de-stressing. But where am I on the thrive scale? And how do I know? Well, this is what I know so far: I love writing everyday. I love having an assignment to basically obsess on something for 30 days, and I’m curious as to where that’ll take me. I love challenges, games, competitions, and solving problems. Think of my mind as a dog that loves to chew, and you’ve got it. I also love gardening and taking pictures.
And I know one more thing: Thriving is something that is more unknown to me than it is known. For now, I will follow it by its tracks, the effects I’ve noticed thus far: losing track of time doing something meaningful; feeling connected to another human being; and feeling curious, engaged, or delighted in the moment.
Whether by inference, deduction, observation, by accident or by grace I’m sure I will be making more discoveries, diving deep into my remaining 27 days of joy! I would love to hear how you feel about thriving vs. de-stressing, and what you do to make sure you thrive. As always, thanks for stopping by and reading!