What Am I Going To Write About?
Yep, I don’t know what I’m writing about today. I’ve started a few things. One, a piece from my journal about remembering my Mom’s frantic preparations for company, went nowhere. Don’t feel like philosophizing today. Also, I just cleaned, swept, vacuumed and tidied the whole place (in preparation for company.)
Then I was going to share some nice places I’ve visited on WordPress the last few days, with no unifying theme except “I found these and liked them.”
Then something about friends, relationships, boundaries, learning, and dog whistles….
But I Don’t Have Anything To Say
That feeling of not knowing what to “say” is like the feeling of standing in the ocean where the tide is going out and coming in at the same time. You are being pulled out and pulled in. The sand is stirred up. Forget seeing to the bottom. Forget picking up your feet, you might get pulled under.
Yes, resisting diving into any particular topic, staying on the surface of your writing, trying to write finished product from the get-go: These are all pitfalls in the writing experience that bear uncomfortable resemblances to life experiences. It’s just uncomfortable enough to catch my attention these days, when the writing doesn’t flow, when I “don’t know what to say.”
That may genuinely be the case, and that’s okay. We don’t always have something to say. Sometimes we just want to amble about aimlessly and flop and flip and be unstructured and free. Sometimes we want to hop from rock to rock and not land in the surf. Sometimes we don’t want the responsibility of saying something. Sometimes we just want a day off.
What If I Fail?
There’s failure, and then there’s what we do with it. Where we put it, whether we frame it in gold or frame it with laughter. I can toss this one off and share it with you, and say, it’s really nothing, and I mean it, and no harm done. Later, I can either revisit the whole thing and cringe, or fuggeddaboutit and move on.
Some of this lightness comes naturally and some does not. I think that it’s perfectly okay for me to be aimless from time to time, even with a scheduled blog post, especially since I am in recovery from seriousness, perfectionism and fear of failure.
How about you?
What are you allowing yourself to do today, and will you play fair with yourself and still let it be okay tomorrow? Only you can say whether it was productive goofing off or if you let yourself off too easy. How do you know the difference? I’d love to hear about it in the comments.
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by Phyllis Capanna © 2014 joyreport
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