Untitled, Undecided, Rebellious and It's Okay

photo by Alexandre Henry Alves
photo by Alexandre Henry Alves

What Am I Going To Write About?

Yep, I don’t know what I’m writing about today. I’ve started a few things. One, a piece from my journal about remembering my Mom’s frantic preparations for company, went nowhere. Don’t feel like philosophizing today. Also, I just cleaned, swept, vacuumed and tidied the whole place (in preparation for company.)

Then I was going to share some nice places I’ve visited on WordPress the last few days, with no unifying theme except “I found these and liked them.”

Then something about friends, relationships, boundaries, learning, and dog whistles….

But I Don’t Have Anything To Say

That feeling of not knowing what to “say” is like the feeling of standing in the ocean where the tide is going out and coming in at the same time. You are being pulled out and pulled in. The sand is stirred up. Forget seeing to the bottom. Forget picking up your feet, you might get pulled under.

Yes, resisting diving into any particular topic, staying on the surface of your writing, trying to write finished product from the get-go: These are all pitfalls in the writing experience that bear uncomfortable resemblances to life experiences. It’s just uncomfortable enough to catch my attention these days, when the writing doesn’t flow, when I “don’t know what to say.”

That may genuinely be the case, and that’s okay. We don’t always have something to say. Sometimes we just want to amble about aimlessly and flop and flip and be unstructured and free. Sometimes we want to hop from rock to rock and not land in the surf. Sometimes we don’t want the responsibility of saying something. Sometimes we just want a day off.

What If I Fail?

There’s failure, and then there’s what we do with it. Where we put it, whether we frame it in gold or frame it with laughter. I can toss this one off and share it with you, and say, it’s really nothing, and I mean it, and no harm done. Later, I can either revisit the whole thing and cringe, or fuggeddaboutit and move on.

Some of this lightness comes naturally and some does not. I think that it’s perfectly okay for me to be aimless from time to time, even with a scheduled blog post, especially since I am in recovery from seriousness, perfectionism and fear of failure.

How about you?

What are you allowing yourself to do today, and will you play fair with yourself and still let it be okay tomorrow? Only you can say whether it was productive goofing off or if you let yourself off too easy. How do you know the difference? I’d love to hear about it in the comments.

And here are those links:

Coffee With Noor

Adventures of a Lesbian Housewife

Daily Digital Mandala

As always, thanks for stopping by.

With love,


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by Phyllis Capanna © 2014 joyreport

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0 thoughts on “Untitled, Undecided, Rebellious and It's Okay

  1. Hi, Phyllis..I used to tell my creative writing students to not worry about what you are writing, just write to find out what you know or are feeling–writing journals. I think this helped them get over the fear of writing and dissolved writer’s block. I’m glad that you are allowing yourself to meander and explore your thoughts. Free writing is such a joy! Good to hear from you.

  2. I believe we’ll be enjoying our freedom today. Dave and I just sold our house and there has been no question that we needed to pack, clean, and clear for the past few weeks. Today we may do some decorating in our new, smaller abode, or just take off on our motorcycle and explore. These activities could be considered goofing off, but we’ll have no regrets giving ourselves that gift today.

  3. Dear one – Something tells me that this piece of writing just might be the “plug” (as in “blockage”) that needed to be freed so that your writing ideas can start flowing more freely again. Anyway, from my viewpoint, that’s the first thought that made itself known. Thank you for sharing this.
    I am reminded of a couple thoughts that have come up while I’ve been listening to workshops (recorded) by Marianne Williamson and Carolyn Myss. The listener is reminded of (or invited to consider) the seemingly logical quandary: (paraphrased here) “I’m so confused, busy, and/or frustrated that I don’t have time to meditate or pray.”) “H-m-m-m . . . I wonder what I might be overlooking or forgetting. . . .”

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