“Taurus: I seek myself through what I have….Scorpio: I seek myself through what I desire.” – Alan Oken in Complete Astrology
The core, if you will, of the Heart of Money course I’m taking is a Sufi spiritual practice of focusing in the heart and asking for its wisdom directly. Without going into a lot of detail, the guidance I received this week was two-fold. One, my heart yearns for a sense of belonging. Two, get out there and dance.
But not just any dance. Not the to-do list dance. Not the fix-something-that-may-be-broken dance. Not the OCD find-the-flaw dance. Not the I’ll-just-stay-in-my-hole-and-figure-this-out dance. A specific kind of dance is beckoning now.
It’s the hold out your hand and connect with a fellow dancer dance.
The dance of mutual vulnerability, trust and transparency, creating in the moment.
The dance of real people in real time in real space.
The physical dance.
Somewhere along the line, with the rise of the Internet and social media, some part of me relaxed and said, “Thank goodness, I’m off the hook for relating with actual people on a daily basis. Networking in person – paying with sweat, time, presence, listening, effort – is a thing of the past.” And didn’t look back.
Then I started listening to my heart and taking direction. My money situation, the teacher is quick to point out, is NOT a reflection of my spiritual health. It’s a reflection of my relationship with Flow.
“The longest journey you will ever take is the one from your head to your heart.” – Doug Gray (Canadian Elder White Eagle)
So I called someone, a friend of some friends, and asked if she’d like to get together and share what each of us does, to help with referrals and building our businesses. We met for tea. We chatted and shared our struggles, and I could feel myself ever so slightly sinking down in my seat, thinking thoughts like “This was a mistake,” “I’m so not where she’s at,” “What am I doing?” And I even said out loud at one point, “Gee, maybe I don’t want clients after all, maybe I just want to do my day job and ….”
At this point I was past treading water and into fighting the waves, desperate to stay above the undertow of my own self-doubt. During this part of the conversation my new friend was giving me this incredible pep talk, outlining all my skills and pointing out my strong foundation, etc., etc., as I stared at her in disbelief.
Then she started talking about her own journey, her driving passion to learn this work that she does (Donna Eden Energy Medicine), and how she loves it enough that she was willing to be a beginner at it, something she hated experiencing.
And then, I saw her. I saw a passionate, committed healer talking about her work and realized in one fell swoop: I don’t need to get more clients, I need to feel more love. And I LOVE listening to people talk about what they love! I thought about how beautiful it would be to see videos of real people talking about their passions. How about a podcast of interviews of energy workers and holistic healers with videos available on a website so people could see them and get who they are? Not “top” spiritual teachers, but my friends, the many, many beautiful healers and practitioners who are doing good work right here?
I was so excited about the idea, I interrupted her and blurted it out.
She said, “That’s a brilliant idea!”
I said, “Ideally, I’d like to get paid for having brilliant ideas!”
She clapped her hands excitedly and said, “Let’s think of a way for you to do that!!”
And then, between laughter and clapping, I also blurted out some others ideas I’d had recently, and I watched her, a skilled energy tracker, catching how the energy had shifted, how animated I was, how everything was different when I let go of “getting more clients” and starting connecting with “what I’d love to do.” The real magic, the gift of connecting, was seeing myself through someone else’s eyes.
By the end of our tea date, we were guffawing and cackling over one silly thing after another. We walked out to the parking lot together, and she turned to me and said, “I can’t figure out what those stars are for,” and gestured to a parking space with a big, white star painted on it.
“I can’t either,” I said. And we both burst out laughing.
As I got into my car, I noticed that my heart felt full and happy, as if I were in the exact right place at the exact right time doing the exact right thing. I checked in with it as the car warmed up.
“Is this what belonging feels like?” I asked.
Yes, it said. Yes, yes, yes. Welcome to the spiral dance.