What makes your heart ache with longing, jealousy and/or dread? Go there. It’s your spirit recognizing a piece of itself that hasn’t yet found a home in your conscious awareness. It’s been locked out and wants to come home.
What is it? Writing a book? (Or writing anything?) Making art? Travel? Paring down to almost nothing and going ultra-light? Writing a blog? A poem? Being a self-employed artist? Counseling? Healing? Being with babies and moms? Something that doesn’t have words to describe it yet?
Okay, fair enough. Then do yourself a favor and sit still and breathe into that longing. Breathe, breathe, breathe. And say inside yourself: “I feel you. I know you’re there. I’m ready for you. Come out and teach me. I’m strong enough now. I have support, supports I don’t consciously acknowledge, but I trust they will make themselves known. I promise you. I’ll listen and be faithful to you. I can do this.”
It’s not about making money or making it, or getting followers and readers, popularity, or looking good. It’s about becoming bigger. Becoming a bigger you, perhaps a version of you that defies all the previous stories you’ve believed about who you are. (Enter the nausea.) It’s about being willing to trust something bigger, and in so doing to enter unfamiliar realms. To be terrified and thrilled, to be humbled and delighted. It’s about waking up and being alive.
It’s a deeply personal, spiritual, ultimately nourishing, and sometimes lonely thing. It’s the only work that only you can do. You can read all the books and write in all the chat rooms, and post the memes, but in the end, only you can enter that space and commit to your souls’ longings.
Do you know how much energy you use to suppress anything new and unwieldy from coming into your life? Do you know how much the world needs ALL of you? Do you know what you don’t know? Of course not! None of us do. That’s why it takes courage and is difficult to follow the soul’s calling, but also why it’s the only alive choice. It’s the only choice for those of us who believe in a healed world.
Try this everyday for a month: “Today, I’m willing to be bigger and more alive than I was yesterday. I say yes to my soul’s longings. I choose to trust that stepping into the unknown is the strongest, safest, most powerful thing I can do. I choose to believe I’m equal to a bigger potential than I allowed yesterday. I surrender to Something wiser.”
Or simply, “Yes.”
Then take one action. That’s the key. Self-esteem, self-confidence, new habits, growth: These are not done mentally. They are built through tiny actions. Tiny actions open up the tiny box we’ve built around ourselves to keep us from failing and being disappointed. Tiny actions take 1 nail out of one wall of our tiny box.
They are things like buying a drawing pencil and a notebook, choosing a journal, talking into your voice recorder for 5 minutes about something you’re too shy to say to someone else, throwing out a piece of clothing that makes you feel like crap every time you see it in your closet, taking out a blank sheet of paper and making up the title of the memoir of a really fascinating, together person, locating your library and maybe going in, hanging out in a bookstore or an art store or a music store, looking up dance and yoga classes.
What’s your tiny action for today? Don’t worry if it’s big enough. Just make it tiny enough to be doable.
You can do this.
Don’t even worry if it feels brave or difficult. Just do it. There are no wrong ways to tell your soul, “I’m listening.” Take five minutes for yourself and just listen.
That’s an action, too.
by Phyllis Capanna © 2016 joyreport